Category Archives: Parenting

Up – Not Seen Yet, But Some Reviews Disturb Me

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I won’t be able to see Up until it comes out on DVD because I’m not going to commit suicide by popcorn going to a movie theater.

Why are so many mommybloggers saying a scene about miscarriage / ectopic pregnancy (more likely) is inappropriate for kids? I grew up knowing about miscarriage and stillbirth. It prepared me better than many in the blogosphere to deal with infertility – no matter how much I seem to rail.

This unwillingness to expose children to death, grief, and all it encompasses tells me a lot about parenting styles today. Trying to protect your children from reality never serves them well as they grow into adulthood. They will find themselves blindsided by events they are unprepared for.

The reviews that say how inappropriate this is for children just scream that infertility and miscarriage/stillbirth must be swept under the rug never to be seen or spoken of. Guess what? They are real and they happen. They happen a lot more than most people are comfortable talking about.

I have role models most people don’t. I get that. There are days I believe my family is from Mars. They are just from Appalachia – and not, for the most part, radical right wing religious nuts. I read people talking about how hard it is to talk about death to their kids and remember my adult relatives arguing over reincarnation, heaven, and nothingness. I also remember them arguing over who got to be buried in which cemetery plot in the family cemetery. I never realized how different that was before now.

I grew up knowing that my female relatives had had miscarriages and stillbirths and pregnancy does not mean a baby is coming. It is such a disservice to today’s children when we aren’t honest about it. And, there are age appropriate ways to be honest.

Pretending infertility and miscarriage doesn’t exist just feeds into the hatred that many feel towards those who suffer from this disease. And, make no mistake, there is a hatred that is almost palpable from some sectors of society. A sort of, “how dare you have that problem and expect us to respect you in any way.”

Think about it. Think hard. What is the real reason you don’t want your child to know about infertility or miscarriage? It says more about you and your own insecurities, prejudices, and values than you think. What it says is not very complimentary.

ETA: No one with common sense takes a child under about 8 to a PG movie, preferably 10. At least, that is how the MPAA people think about that rating.

Nebraska’s Child Abandonment Fiasco Reveals Deep Need In US Families

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Many people have said how they would never abandon their children no matter what happened.  I think those people are fools.  No one knows what they will do in any situation until they are in it.

I do not care who you are.  How well you think you know yourself. Or, how “Christian, Moslem, etc.” you believe yourself to be.  You have no way of knowing what it is to be in those parents’ shoes.

Many have decried these men and women for trying to find help for their older children in the only way they had left.  Our society abandons and blames parents who have troubled children.  There are no programs left to help when a parent or child has a mental illness or disturbance that actively disrupts the ability of their relationship to be sustained.

We used to.  Under Reagan all of those were destroyed. Reagan was an evil man who systemically destroyed the social safety net in favor of the vultures on Wall Street.  Look at the man’s policies.  Subsequent Democrats have not been better – and I expect absolutely nothing of substance from Obama.

Many of these parents have spent all of their savings – their retirement, what is left of it – in order to help their child.  They are at the end of the rope.  Literally, there is nowhere for them to turn.  The courts are of no help.  The parent often, cannot even use proper psychological treatments for severe mental health issues for fear of being labeled abusive.  Social workers are not known for their acumen in dealing with mentally ill children. 

This is not totally the fault of the Social Worker.  Most are in situations with no money or support to deal with their existing caseload.  It is much, much easier to send someone into the criminal system for abandonment.  Even children who have physically threatened or harmed their parents cannot be safely treated with “Tough Love” in our current legislative environment.

I think the bigger question here is not, “Why didn’t the lawmakers limit this immediately?”  Rather, the question is, “Why are these parents so desperate that they are driving 100s – even 1000s – of miles to seek this alternative?”