Category Archives: Movies

When Your Beloved Loves Media You Hate – And Has to Share

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In a cruel twist of fate, Netflix’s Watch It Now has Dune. For some unfathomable reason, my husband and his best friend love this movie. I not only hate the movie, I hate the novel as well.

He had to watch it. This was a visceral need, it seemed. He felt that it was one of those things that had to be shared as well.

Did it stop there? Oh no. He found something worse – something he admitted was “cracky” bad. What was it? Star Slammer. Imagine if you will, combining the production values of a fan film with 70s bad acting and lots of excuses to show naked breasts. This movie, however, did not have the finesse of a Troma film. No. It was just atrocious.

Now, I do like the occasional bad movie. Some my husband and I share a perverted love for. One such movie is Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus:

 

This is a movie with no false advertising!

So, anything you and your love torture each other with?

The Legend of the Shadowless Sword (Movie)

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DH and I watched the subtitled version of The Legend of the Shadowless Sword (with Digital Copy) and were utterly captivated. The first words from my husband’s mouth was “OOH, that’s pretty.”

The Legend of the Shadowless Sword (with Digital Copy) is an excellent example of Korean film making with major Hong Kong influences. The fight and battle scenes are excellent and beautifully choreographed. The acting is top notch, and the story is rather good for a martial arts epic.

The movie starts on the Western frontier of the Asian kingdoms. The prince of Behae is hiding from his enemies among the Georans. A female assassin, Soho, is sent to find and bring him back to lead his troops in claiming his throne.

51m+z0arzcLThe problem? Another woman assassin and her army are hot on their trail trying to prevent the prince from ever claiming his throne.

The costumes are beautiful. This is a feast for the eyes. The Legend of the Shadowless Sword (with Digital Copy) is one of the best martial arts films I have seen on DVD in recent memory. I highly recommend this one to anyone who enjoys martial arts movies – even without dubbing.

Wanted

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51NJzRsP4CLWanted (Single-Disc Widescreen Edition) is an adult live-action cartoon.

According to DH, a fan of the original graphic novel which this is very loosely based on, the divergence makes it nothing like the original graphic novel. There was much commentary during the movie about this – between comments on Fox (Jolie) being a danger junkie.

This is one to watch with absolutely no brain cells engaged whatsoever. There is no logic, no science, no sense in the story. It is just cartoon violence. People survive impossible injuries. Cars make fantastic jumps. And, finally, bullets do the impossible by the laws of physics. (Even non-physics savvy me got that!)

All this being said, with Morgan Freeman as Sloan, the mentor to the assassin’s league, Jolie being nuts, and James McEvoy just delivering from clueless to master this is a fun ride for an evening in for grown-ups.

My Name Is Bruce (2007)

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My Name Is Bruce is an enjoyable romp into the sillier side of horror movies being too well believed – no matter how shlocky.

Bruce Campbell stars as a caricature of himself. While the movie is enjoyable in the “turn off the brain and drool” way, the extras make the DVD. Heart of Dorkness is truly a fannish dream come true. The harsh realities of the movie making experience are not documented in this – except for many, many mentions of that bane, poison oak. Watch the movie first, of course, but Heart of Dorkness is a treat.

61mPhvzDFrLBack to My Name Is Bruce, the movie finds our hero, Bruce Campbell, filming Cave Alien 2 (or Cavealien 2 – see the mockumentary, Making of Cavealien 2, on the DVD) when an erstwhile teenaged fan unleashes Guan Di, the Chinese god of war, the dead, and bean curd. Bean curd is important here! (This is, after all, a Bruce Campbell movie.)

Now, the surviving teen is, of course, a fan of all of Campbell’s movies and an uber fan. What would such a fan do? Seek out his hero to take on Guan Di.

Now, there is a great song that you will never get out of your head – well, maybe if you hear the Barney Song. The use of stage costuming for the monster is actually very well done – and worth the price of rental. The actor created the costume and his skill shines through.

My Name Is Bruce is a fun afternoon rental with friends. Or at least someone who appreciates what makes a good ‘bad’ movie.

Terminal Invasion (2002) (Movie)

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Terminal Invasion (2002) is a classic bad movie with Bruce Campbell starring as an unnamed (or at least I don’t remember his name) prisoner 51aD3Iluw1Lwho is being transported for murder and then has to fight the aliens.

Everyone’s favorite Dabo Girl from Quark’s in Deep Space Nine is the pilot that can’t take off because of the blizzard that takes out the police car that was transporting Campbell’s character.

A variety of other characters are included as fodder for the monster of the week – shape-changing aliens!

Is this a good movie? No. This is a cheesy sci-fi flick that is meant for Saturday afternoon when you should be doing something else. This is a fun movie for watching in a group of cheesy sci-fi / bad movie fans.

Rent it unless you are building a library of “good” bad movies.

Watching the Detectives (Movie)

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51vCts7nxALWatching the Detectives with Lucy Liu stars in this very quirky independent film. Neil, played by Cillian Murphy, owns an independent video store with a quirky regular clientele.

Violet (Lucy Liu) is one of those characters that can only happen in the movies. She creates scenarios that endanger Neil. This, of course, makes Neil even more attracted to her because he is living the scenarios in the movies he has come to know and love.

This is not a movie to watch while one has the brain engaged. The characters are too obvious in their insanity.

If you can get this from your library, it is an amusing movie with an ending where you are yelling at Neil for being an idiot.

Juno (Movie)

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Juno (Single-Disc Edition) was the breakout Indie film last year. I have to admit, I don’t get why. The acting was the only solid part of the film. And, the acting wasn’t enough to make me care about what happened to the characters. It didn’t even trigger any issues with my own journey through infertility and loss.

51ajBMqwq6LEven my DH – who loves Indie stuff – was left going, “Huh?” We understand that some people buy a self-aware 16 year old. We couldn’t. It just didn’t ring true. DH was especially disconcerted by the portrayal of the adopting husband. His response: “No one trying 5 years is going to be like that.” (I won’t say what he is referring to, only that at 5 years, perhaps such things would probably not still be festering in a healthy marriage.)

Honestly, Juno (Single-Disc Edition) is not a bad movie, but it was annoying. It tried to be super clever and, to me, fell flat. Clever can work, but this movie didn’t work for me.

The music in it didn’t help either. I am not a fan of the style of music that was used throughout the movie. Every time one of the songs started, I wanted to shut down the sound. They annoyed me – and I grew up with old-style country music. It takes a lot to annoy me musically.

I can understand why some folks liked the movie – as a fantasy about “mature” teens. I just couldn’t reach that level of suspension of disbelief.

The Gamers : Dorkness Rising (Movie)

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51pQpivh8bLIn my erstwhile adolescence I was drafted into GMing (acting as the Game Master / Referee) a series of D&D games for my little brother. In adulthood, I attempted to be a player of a game. This did not work well as I have a GM’s mentality. I have had fun at a couple of Live Action Games, but those were murder mysteries for the most part. Yes, I am a total geek, why do you ask?

The Gamers: Dorkness Rising captures the reality of many a gaming session I ran or sat through. The arguing about rules, the idiocy over how best to create a character, all of that which consumes those who play role-playing games is beautifully captured in this movie. The raucous frat boys who find a new gamer in an ex-girlfriend of one of their number. Remarkably, she is a pretty typical gamer girl. (Yes, gamer girls do exist, and not just in WoW.)

The Gamers: Dorkness Rising follows a campaign in both real life and the campaign. The actors play their characters – with one notable (sometimes) exception. The exception is played beautifully and really shows what happens when someone tries to play a character that is totally against their own type.

The situations, campaigns, and characters will be hilariously familiar to anyone who has ever played any role-playing game – or been the victim of someone trying to write a gaming module or create a new gaming system. (There are actual arguments about which system to use. Personally, I do like GURPS. There are those still committed to the original AD&D gaming charts. How is that every sub-culture has some sort of religious war?)

Now, the production values are definitely Indie level. The special effects remind me of the better effects from the Tom Baker Dr. Who era. Since this is a comedy, and clearly done tongue-in-cheek, those effects are easily overlooked.

So, if you or a loved one is, or has been, a gamer, The Gamers: Dorkness Rising is definitely worth picking up. And, just so you know, Vin Diesel plays a dwarf in an ongoing D&D game. He even admitted it on Conan.

Up – Not Seen Yet, But Some Reviews Disturb Me

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I won’t be able to see Up until it comes out on DVD because I’m not going to commit suicide by popcorn going to a movie theater.

Why are so many mommybloggers saying a scene about miscarriage / ectopic pregnancy (more likely) is inappropriate for kids? I grew up knowing about miscarriage and stillbirth. It prepared me better than many in the blogosphere to deal with infertility – no matter how much I seem to rail.

This unwillingness to expose children to death, grief, and all it encompasses tells me a lot about parenting styles today. Trying to protect your children from reality never serves them well as they grow into adulthood. They will find themselves blindsided by events they are unprepared for.

The reviews that say how inappropriate this is for children just scream that infertility and miscarriage/stillbirth must be swept under the rug never to be seen or spoken of. Guess what? They are real and they happen. They happen a lot more than most people are comfortable talking about.

I have role models most people don’t. I get that. There are days I believe my family is from Mars. They are just from Appalachia – and not, for the most part, radical right wing religious nuts. I read people talking about how hard it is to talk about death to their kids and remember my adult relatives arguing over reincarnation, heaven, and nothingness. I also remember them arguing over who got to be buried in which cemetery plot in the family cemetery. I never realized how different that was before now.

I grew up knowing that my female relatives had had miscarriages and stillbirths and pregnancy does not mean a baby is coming. It is such a disservice to today’s children when we aren’t honest about it. And, there are age appropriate ways to be honest.

Pretending infertility and miscarriage doesn’t exist just feeds into the hatred that many feel towards those who suffer from this disease. And, make no mistake, there is a hatred that is almost palpable from some sectors of society. A sort of, “how dare you have that problem and expect us to respect you in any way.”

Think about it. Think hard. What is the real reason you don’t want your child to know about infertility or miscarriage? It says more about you and your own insecurities, prejudices, and values than you think. What it says is not very complimentary.

ETA: No one with common sense takes a child under about 8 to a PG movie, preferably 10. At least, that is how the MPAA people think about that rating.

Craig Clairborne & Pierre Franey : Master Cookng Course (VHS)

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Yes, I went and got a VHS from my local library called Master Cooking Course [VHS]. I put it in and promptly fell asleep.

51SYY52788LWhy did I attempt a video produced in the 1980s? A weird sort of self-torture, perhaps? No, actually, there looked to be a number of good recipes, but when everything started with corn or peanut oil, well, I knew this wasn’t going to be my kind of video.

Besides the recipe issue – yes, I know how to do substitutions – but fish mousse as the first recipe did little to motivate me to want to know more. Then there was the weird cutting between two narrators for no apparent reason. It actually seemed more like they were making bad corrections to original mistakes.

Now, I’ll admit that in the age after Alton Brown’s Good Eats, I may be spoiled. I seem to remember, though, that Julia Child’s tv shows were more engaging. And, if the reruns on Create TV are any indication, they were!

This is one to avoid unless you really want to watch retro cooking shows.