Category Archives: Bad Luck

The Universe Conspires

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Last week Monday I tried to get a prescription refilled. This particular drug is not supposed to be stopped suddenly, so I called three business days prior to running out. I even got a call back to clarify what I needed.

On Thursday, I went to get my port flushed – a way to avoid L.ovenox. The nurses took one look at me and made me see the PA, Ms. Clarity. I was informed I had the stomach flu that has been going around. As per usual, she asked me about any prescriptions I might need. For some reason, I had a hunch that Dr. Sunshine’s office had not called in my prescription. I was right.

I called Dr. Professor’s office and asked that Ms. Clarity call in the prescription. I then went home and found myself sleeping until the next day.

My DH went to pick it up later that night to find that the pharmacy’s fax had died and there was a back-up of unfilled – possibly lost – prescriptions.

The next morning, the pharmacy did not have the prescription so DH called to find out why from Dr. Professor’s office. He had been on the phone trying to figure out what had happened to the prescription all day when I woke up very late. He had left multiple messages with the office’s staff and the pharmacy.

I called the pharmacy and explained my situation at about 6:30. Even showing up at about 9 to see if it was there then.

Luckily for me, due to the nature of the drug, the pharmacy was allowed to give me a 5 day emergency prescription fill.

So, on this just past Monday, I went to Dr. Professor’s office to get the prescription in hand. The medical assistant who had taken my husband’s message was most apologetic and said I could yell at her. I didn’t. She went to yell at Ms. Clarity.

Ms. Clarity said she had used the electronic prescription service to send it in at 8:42 PM. I asked if she had sent it to the right pharmacy as the pharmacy had said they would call when it came in. She called the pharmacy and they said it was ready for pick-up.

I went to my pharmacy and they didn’t have it. There are two pharmacies on the same road – but in two neighboring cities. The prescription was at the wrong store!

Why did it take a whole week to fill a simple prescription? Is the universe conspiring?

Oh, on top of that? The hard drive with all of my data – knitting patterns, old documents, back-ups, etc. – has become unreadable.

Today? We have a snowstorm to stop me from going to get a new hard drive for my laptop as it is quickly becoming too full.

I think the universe is conspiring to make my life much harder than it need be. Perhaps SMR (my pekingese) has the right idea of sleeping all the time.

Just to be clear. I don’t really assign blame to anyone as this really was a comedy of errors.

In One Week It Will Be A Year

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How strange to be starting chemotherapy for ovarian cancer only a week earlier than the first anniversary of my miscarriage. The morning I saw the blood that told me the ultrasound really had been right, even as I had numbly gone to the ladies as the tech pretended nothing was wrong before looking one last time, I knew before she told me.

All I remember thinking was, “It’s dead, get it out. I can’t carry a dead baby inside me.” For 19 weeks I had carried the fetus that now lay wasting inside me. At this point, there were only two realistic options, inducing labor, or a D&E. Inducing labor may not have completely rid the uterus of the remains, a D&C might have had to happen despite.

To me, the idea of being hopped up to deliver a dead baby seemed nothing short of torture. And, I was lucky since it was before 22 weeks. In the backwards state of Michigan, there is no other option past 22 weeks. It doesn’t matter that the fetus is dead. All other options are illegal despite some of them being safer. The legislators who passed such heinous legislation are guilty of misogyny as far as I am concerned, and I would not want to be them when they face the Judge of us all.

The fetal tissue was tested and came back as normal. A perfectly normal fetus had died. I wanted answers and sought out Dr. Professor as a hematologist. It turned out I did have two thrombophilias. I had railed to be tested prior to doing my first cycle, but no one took my concerns seriously despite a family history of miscarriage and stillbirth. (And, yes, this still angers me to some degree. The anger only mitigated by the fact that they all assumed first trimester miscarriages, never bothering to ask when the miscarriages had occurred – all in the second trimester.)

I had hoped that the next time I saw Dr. Professor it would be to manage happier news. But, instead, I start chemotherapy for a disease that has forever robbed me of the opportunity to carry a child to term. Forever is gone the ability to build a family without lawyers and courtrooms and social workers – and all the expense that implies.

Each dream I have ever tried to build has been completely destroyed by things outside of me. I know there is no rhyme or reason to why things happen. They just happen.

It is only cruelty to say to someone, “It is meant to be,” or “Everything happens for a reason.” They say those things only to comfort themselves – knowing or not, their words just hurt the ones they are directed act. So, if you ever feel yourself starting to say something like that to someone, STOP! You will only be adding to the pain. There is no “meant to be” and, no “reason.”

It is odd that not only is it so close to the one-year anniversary of my miscarriage but I also get the cancer with the treatment that has a very high risk of allergic reaction. If I truly thought there was a “reason” the only reason I could come up with would be that God/The Universe/Fate/Whatever hates me.

After working in a field with abused children for a short time in college, I already thought that if there was a reason or a “meant to be” then God/The Universe/Fate/Whatever was the cruelest bastard to ever exist and deserved nothing. The only way I could reconcile it was to know that intervention is rarer than a yellow sapphire and only in the most dire circumstances – like when the human race was about to blow itself up.

I can understand why many former religious become atheists. It is a well-reasoned thought process that takes them there. I’m not there, but, my belief in a mostly non-interventionist God has been pretty much confirmed. And, nothing short of an impossible miracle will change my mind.

Traveling by Air with Corn Allergy?

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Don’t.

Ok, so it is not always feasible not to use air travel. Not only do I have a constant fear of exposure to popping popcorn within the airport, I have to carry food if I don’t want to starve. So, where does that lead someone like me – especially with the new TSA rules?

Well, solid foods, for the most part, are still safe to carry with you, providing you remember to bring them. Of course, this limits the other carry-ons you can bring. (Have to keep the laptop, purse, medications, and, of course, a small book or knitting project with me to keep me from going insane from not being the driver.)

Notice that I am not suggesting even trying to eat at a restaurant? There is a very good reason for that. Even if the restaurateur claims their food is safe, there is a very good chance that the meat, salad, etc., that they are claiming is safe has been washed with a citric acid derived from corn. Under the Codex Alimentarius the manufacturer is not required to label it.

French fries might be safe? No. Vegetable oil is almost always going to contain some corn oil.

Baked potato? You are in an airport. Do you think a plain baked potato is in the offing anywhere? Most restaurants only keep their fastest of fast foods on the airport dining list.

Why am I posting this?

Well, I had to quickly board a plain for an unexpected trip (medically related – so had medications to bring, too). The trip was expected, but we had to leave much earlier than expected.

I was busily scrambling to get such necessities as clothes, medications, a dog/house sitter, and various sundries together, that I just forgot to put some pear bars into my purse to keep me from starving. (There is a reason I am somewhat stingy with my food. Food Allergy is a very expensive disease.) I had fixed some devil’s food cupcakes, but forgot them on the counter in my kitchen.

It did not help that due to the medical nature of the trip, I had to carry quite a few items that I would not normally be carrying.

Of course, this happened on the Saturday Midway and O’Hare decided to get hit with a snowstorm. What happens when Midway and O’Hare can’t move flights? Everything in the air starts to shut down or have delays.

So, there DH and I were wanting to get on a plane. We arrived at the airport at around 10:15 for a 12:20 flight. Our flight was canceled.

We got to the ticket agent about the time our flight was supposed to have left. Why was this? We were on time, however, some idiots were monopolizing 3 ticket agents for over an hour! You would think that customer service values would have dictated that the airline find out who was on the flight that was just canceled due to weather and pull them ahead for rebooking. But, that would have made sense. Nothing in an airport makes sense.

So, when we get to the counter, the booking agent puts us on a flight that is leaving in 15 minutes. Um… We hadn’t been through TSA yet. I carry an epi-pen all of the time, and, have been stopped due to that, this day I had a ton of medications with me. (It does not happen often, but it does happen.) I was also carrying my purse and laptop. Since you have to take out your laptop and take off your shoes, the minimum amount of time to get through TSA is at least 15 minutes. This day was no exception.

We got out of the TSA line to see our flight taxi away from the gate. The agent then set about giving us a couple of alternatives:

  • Fly to Nashville, TN then to LAX
  • Fly to Baltimore, MD, then Nashville, TN then to LAX

DH made the observation that the snow was more likely to shut down Baltimore than Nashville, so we got to spend 5 hours cooling our heels in the Nashville airport.

Now, I hate airports, but I hate going through security lines more. I don’t object to security, per se. It is just that the set up defies common sense in the way it is instantiated as far as I am concerned. I’m not a queuing theory maven, but there has to be a better way, and if you are carrying injectibles, every time you go through is a time that is more likely to create a delay due to randomization algorithms used to determine who will get the detailed search. (Randomization algorithms do make sense, but, no one gladly gets to carry these medications, trust me.)

My DH, on the other hand, loves to create long layovers so he can exit the airport, investigate the area, and then explore. Once I’m in the system I have no desire to leave until I am at my destination. This makes traveling by air – unless a direct flight – somewhat stressful for the two of us traveling together. (I also prefer to travel by car – he doesn’t. I think nothing of a 24 or 48 car drive, because I have at least the illusion of control.)

Now, let’s think about this.

Do you think the flight we got rescheduled on left soon after our original flight? Nope, 2 hours had to pass by before we got to our Nashville flight.

The flight from Nashville to LAX had its gate changed exactly 30 minutes before it was supposed to depart. So, we got into the air and they served the normal snacks – none of which are safe for me as a corn-allergic (and other allergic) individual. I slept most of the flight. Yes, I am that awful passenger that can sleep anywhere and have been known to be in a business suit snoring on a plane.

We arrived at LAX at 9:00 PM Pacific. Got our bags and then tried to get the bus for our car rental agency. The first bus never even stopped. The second bus came about 20 minutes later. By this time it was 10 PM Pacific. Another 20 minutes at the car rental place and, we got our car.

Now, we did the smart thing and called the hotel for directions. You would think that this would have worked. Except the directions we were given included taking “5 to Pacific.” Those in LA / Glendale know that that is not even possible. But, we called 3 times and got the same directions before stopping.

We stopped at a gas station where a young woman was talking to a bunch of her friends and had a Yahoo! Maps gadget. She put the address into her gadget and gave us accurate directions. We were supposed to be taking “5 to Western.”

Now, this took until 12:30 AM to accomplish. By this time I am tired and very hungry. We have an appointment the next morning at 11:30 AM and the only thing I cared about was getting food. I wanted to know where the nearest 24 hour grocery was on the off chance I would find something! There is a 24 hour Ralph’s (the same as Kroger where I am from.)

Of course, DH is cranky and tired – despite a large meal in Tennessee – and starts nagging me.

I should give kudos to the restaurant in Tennessee for trying. It was just that they aren’t going to know for sure what is safe. If you don’t take the time to actually call the manufacturer, the chances are very great that there is going to be corn in it. And since I tend to get sick from airplanes, I don’t want to take any more chances than I have to. (Airplanes often equal a sinus infection for me.)

Since he didn’t put me on the car as a secondary driver, it isn’t like I can drive myself there! He actually expected that I could quickly go in and out of an unknown grocery store quickly. Guess what, corn allergy + unknown grocer = TIME. You have to read and cipher the ingredients list. It isn’t just reading, you have to figure out questions like:

  • Is this manufactured on a line known to have corn contamination?
  • Is this a generally safe or unsafe manufacturer?
  • Have I eaten the equivalent safely in the past?

Now, if there were such a creature as a 24 hour Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s it would be easy. But since all of the labeling indicated that the Kroger clone known as Ralph’s has the same basic off-brand products from the same manufacturing lines, I was golden. It was just a matter of finding stuff.

So, after over 12 hours without any food whatsoever, I was finally able to cook something up. They had Foster Farms chicken – one of the few “safe” chickens for corn-allergics who do not react to corn-feed meats! I needed protein and cooked this up in about another 45 minutes.

Oh, I did mention, that if you have corn allergies, always stay in a place with at least a kitchenette?

I will blog at a later date of how much easier it is to travel by car with a corn allergy.

On Curses

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Now, I don’t really believe in curses, but there are times it feels like there might be a curse or evil spirits surrounding me.  Like this past Friday. 

Now, I know that the idea of curses is ridiculous, but I do know a number of others in the blogosphere have been discussing the idea of being under curses.  I know that at one point during my study of religious history and culture I noticed a pattern in almost every tradition when dealing with curses and evil spirits:

  • Bells or other percussion instruments, prayer, or chanting;
  • Incense or smudge;
  • Salt, holy water, or anointing oil – interchangeable.

These three elements seem to be in every tradition.  It doesn’t seem to matter where the tradition has come from, there is some piece of the above elements within them.

Now, there are some other traditions that I have run across that almost have a comical tendency to them when seen through modern eyes – do not take this as an aspersion to those who believe, but it does seem odd to think wearing one’s underwear inside out will repel the evil eye according to a Hungarian grandmother I knew once.

Some cultures believe that when you enter a home for the first time, you need to go through with one or all of the elements of repulsion as you walk through the house. 

Now, if you think you are really under attack, you need to anoint all your windows, doors, and vents with salt, holy water, or anointed oil.   This is to prevent the evil from returning, or, if already in place, from pulling in new energy.

But, in reality, for me, it is faith in Jesus Christ and the Salvation He brought that overrides the power of any curse – real or imagined.  This isn’t to say that faith is never tested, or that I never “lose” faith.  Rather, it is the knowledge that ultimately, whatever happens, He is, and always will be, with me.